What I Learned About Babies and the Process of Making Them

1. Miscarriage is not a bad word. It is definitely a sad word, but you can talk about it.
2. Making babies is a lot more fun than birthing babies. I’m sure you knew that already.
3. Babies are cute and that cuteness can apparently take a baby far. Or, at the very least, keep the parents from committing bodily harm to the screaming (albeit cute) face in the middle of night.
4. The amount of baby “stuff” that invades a home with a newborn is a force of nature. It does not matter if you board up your windows or put sandbags in front of the door. Small stuff will seep into your home. Little socks, caps and inserts for bottles, small hats, bouncy/shaky/vibrating contraptions, onesies, twosies, threesies… it’s a nightmare.
   

   See? Dress up is fun.

5. It certainly is fun to dress a baby up, especially since they do not have language skills yet. Dressing up babies is a parent’s way of getting back at the screaming, crazy beast child that now encompasses your entire day.
6. Babies WILL make you buy a minivan. Or, if your baby is less evil, it will make you trade in your really cute Mini Cooper for a Subaru crossover SUV. Mean baby.
7. Babies CANNOT make you give up heated seats. No matter how hard they cry and whine.
8. Babies are cry babies.

What I Learned About Becoming a Chef

1. I don’t want to be a chef.

And, that’s the crux of it. The thing I thought would be the scariest (being someone’s mom) turned out to be pretty simple. Of course, I now live by the following words: If I am wearing a shirt and pair of pants without dried baby vomit, it is a good day.

The thing that I thought would be the easiest way to change careers turned out to be not so career-changing. I went to culinary school to learn that I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Somehow, that’s OK with me right now. I am faster in the kitchen, more aware of what foods I like and what foods will kill me, and I have a huge appreciation for chefs that love food and do it well.

What’s Next?

The final take-away (to use a corporate bullshit-ism) of this project is that it reminded me how much I like to write (or blather on, yes… sometimes it’s just silly prattle). I’m continuing to blog about food and the making of it. I’m keeping the restaurant reviews, throwing in a few utensil reviews, and writing about new (and old) recipes.

So, join me on my new site, Kitchenalia, to read my continued misadventures in the kitchen.

Oh, and because I can’t resist taking pictures of my son that he will hate me for later, here’s the happy product of my culinary school adventures.

That's right, I bought my son a monogrammed chef outfit. I'm just that sort of crazy mother.

Mascarpone Filling Formula

Whip the egg yolks until light. Make a syrup of the sugar, water, and corn syrup by heating it until 248°. Gradually pour the syrup into the egg yolks while whipping constantly. Continue whipping until cool.

In a mixer with the paddle attachment, mix the mascarpone until soft. Then, with the mixer running at slow speed, add the egg yolk mixture a little bit at a time. Wait until each addition is blended before adding more. Whip the cream until soft peaks form and fold into the mascarpone mixture.

This is the consistency of my mascarpone filling.

Assemble the Tiramisu

Take the first round and insert into tin flat side up. You might have to trim the round in order to get it to fit.

Use a brush to soak the cake with strong coffee. I also added Grand Marnier and a bit of sugar to my coffee. Put the lady fingers around the outside cake in one long circle so they are standing on edge. Soak them with the coffee mixture as well.

Kind of nasty looking, but it's getting there.

Dollop half of the mascarpone filling in, place the second round on top, and then soak with the coffee mixture again. Fill the top with the rest of the mascarpone filling. Now, we were short on mascarpone filling. So, I made some whipped cream and added the rest of the coffee mixture to it. And, then used to that to make sure the filling came to the top of the lady fingers.

Results

The dark lines on the top are chocolate cigarettes that I placed in the whipped cream. I know, it looks weird in the angel food cake tin, but it tasted lovely.

All filled in and lovely

For the yule log, you need a filling. We used chocolate mousse.

Chocolate Mousse Formula

Whip the egg yolks until pale. Make a syrup with the sugar and water and bring to a boil at 244°. Whip the hot syrup into the yolks and continue whipping until cool.

Melt the chocolate and fold into the egg mixture. Whip the cream until it forms soft peaks. Whip one-third of the cream into the chocolate mixture, and then fold the remaining cream until it’s well incorporated.

Now that you have mousse. Take your sheet cake and lay it on parchment paper. Wet the cake with a simple syrup. Spread the mousse in an even layer over the cake, making sure to bring the mousse to the edges of the long ends (but not quite to the edge of the short ends).

Roll the cake up. If your cake is too thin or too thick, it will probably crack (as mine and a number of my classmates’ cakes did). Use the parchment paper to help keep a tight roll. Once rolled, wrap in plastic and refrigerate.

After allowing the roll to set up a bit, bring it out and frost it. I used buttercream with cocoa powder added to it to form a nice log. As you can see from the picture, my buttercream was a bit chunky and didn’t take the cocoa powder consistently.

Why does everything I make in bakery class end up looking like a turd on a plate?

Oh well, we can cover our mistakes with powdered sugar!

A sweet, sweet turd on a plate.

And then, I made these wonderful berries with leaves (on the back of a spatula) and snowflakes (my index finger for reference). Hasn’t my artistry come a long way? OK, these aren’t mine. Chef did them as example. ¡Que c’est joli!

So very teeny tiny, but so very detailed.

Nice, right?

So, that about sums up my baking class. I could do a tidy little recap here, but I’ll let the posts speak for themselves. (Psst: I learned a lot and have a new found appreciation for all things confectionary.)

Ladyfinger Sponge Formula

Separate egg sponge method to make this recipe. Take your egg yolks and sugar and put in a stainless steel bowl over a water bath. Whip until warm. Then, put in a mixer with the whip attachment and beat on high speed until light and thick. Now, whip the egg whites, sugar, and lemon juice until you get firm, moist peaks. Fold the egg white mixture into the egg yolk mixture, alternating with the flour. So, bit of egg white then bit of flour, bit of egg white… you get the idea.

Now, stick the batter in a pastry bag and pipe with a plain tip. You’ll need two rounds and a number of fingers across the bottom. Pipe them out on to parchment paper (and put a few dollops in each corner so the parchment doesn’t blow up and stick to the top of your fingers whilst in the oven.

Yes, the ladyfingers are not elegant. But the rounds came out OK.

Dust with powdered sugar. Bake at 375° for 10 minutes.

See, the perfection of my ladyfinger round?

For the yule log, we used the creamed yellow cake recipe from the previous day. Instead of putting it in a round, we used a half sheet pan.

Yellow cake in sheet form

The restaurant is located in a house (Not one that people live in, but that might be fun. “Nice robe, ma’am. Don’t mind us, we’re just here for brunch.”) Tables are scattered in various rooms with large, open windows. It’s one of those bright and cheery places that make brunch a sunny affair. This is not a hangover-nursing brunch place.

What We Ate

I had the spicy shrimp frittata. Eggs frittatized with shrimp, peppers, potatoes, and a mole sauce. It was spicy, but I still asked for Tabasco. They gave me the dregs of the Tabasco bottle—which was just as well because ooh man, the mole hit me with a bit of a vengeance. Served with toast of choice and homemade jam.

Paul went with a sweet dish, which is a bit unusual for him, especially considering they had a chorizo-based dish on the menu. He said he had plate envy, but his malted waffle looked tasty enough to me. It had apple and apple goo on top. He did cave to his meat tendencies by ordering a side of sausage.

My mom had eggs Benedict. They were perfectly formed, sitting on toast rounds. My dad went with a dish that had “sassy” in its name. It was the aforementioned chorizo dish with spicy potato-based hash. Avocado slices on the side.

What We Drank

Well, the child had a bottle during the meal, but since that’s not on the menu, I’ll stick with the adult beverages. Coffee for Paul and I, tea for the mum, and water for my dad. The tea comes in a cute individual pot.

All around yummy goodness. I highly recommend it to those driving around the mitten looking for eggs, waffles, and other assorted brunch goodies. Oh, they also do lunch and dinner as well.

Location: 505 N. Center Street in Northville, MI (south of Eight Mile Road). They have parking next to the building. Of course, it’s suburban Detroit, so parking is a bit of a given.

Yellow Cake with Italian Buttercream

Take the cake and slice it in half. It’s a lot less tricky than it sounds. Score the cake all the way around and then just ease your serrated knife in to the cake. This way, you only go halfway through the cake.

A cake divided against itself cannot stand. Well, it can stand, but it needs some frosting help.

Next, whip up the buttercream so it’s not a huge, cold block. You want to get the creamy texture you had it the night before. (Of course, if you whip it up the same day, you won’t have this problem.)

Whipping the buttercream so it's no longer hard.

Now, cut side up, frost the top of the first layer. Then, put the cut side up of the other half and press down. Add a crumb coat to the cake. Next, add the rest of the frosting to form the final coat.

This is after the crumb coat of buttercream.

I saved some of my buttercream and added cocoa powder to it. I used this chocolate buttercream to pipe the edges. Pretty good for a first try, right?

Check out the pipes on this one!

Genoise with Italian Meringue

My Genoise was really thin, but I was still able to slice it in half. We followed the same procedure as above but instead of buttercream, we used the raspberry goo from the bucket for the middle. You want to moisten the cake with syrup first because the Genoise is a pretty dry cake. So, slice, moisten, jam, press, moisten top.

Thin, but scored in half...awaiting jam and meringue.

Then, we whipped up some meringue.

Making meringue--Italian style

Italian Meringue Formula

Heat the sugar and water in a saucepan until the sugar dissolves and the mixture boils. Boil until you have the mixture between the soft and hard ball stage. DO NOT let it get brown. While the syrup is cooking, beat the egg whites with a whip until they form soft peaks. With the machine running, slowly whip in the hot syrup. Continue beating until the meringue is cool and forms firm peaks. This should sound familiar as it’s the first step for Italian buttercream.

Once you have your meringue, gently ice the cake just like above.

Before the blowtorch and crazy piping, this is what an Italian meringue looks like.

Pipe a design into the top and or sides. (I couldn’t think of anything so you’ll see me getting goofy in the picture below. I blame the copious amounts of sugar that have building up in my system over the course of the quarter.)

Then, take a blowtorch to the entire thing and brown the heck out of it. Woo hoo!

I admit, not the most professional of cakes.

Creamed Yellow Cake Formula

This is a straight up creaming method: Fat goes in first and gets smoothed by the paddle attachement. Add in the sugar and salt and mix on medium until light and fluffy. Add in the eggs bit by bit making sure they’re well incorporated before adding more. Then comes the sifted flour/baking powder alternating between the milk/vanilla extract. (So, start with a bit o’ the dry, a bit o’ the wet, a bit o’ the dry, etc. End up with dry and you’re good to go.)

Put it in a cake round and bake at 375° for 25-30 minutes.

Genoise Formula

So, we do a plain sponge method for this one (it’s also known as the Genoise method…probably a bit easier to remember). Combine the eggs and sugar in a stainless steel bowl. Set the bowl over a water bath and whip until it warms. (You want it to be warm so you have a greater volume of foam.)

With a whip attachment, beat the eggs at high speed until they are very light and thick. The fold in the flour in small batches (be careful not to deflate any foam). Carefully fold in melted butter and vanilla extract.

Put in a cake round immediately and bake at 375° for 20 minutes.

Italian Buttercream Formula

Heat the sugar and water in a saucepan until the sugar dissolves and the mixture boils. Boil until you have the mixture between the soft and hard ball stage. DO NOT let it get brown. While the syrup is cooking, beat the egg whites with a whip until they form soft peaks. With the machine running, slowly whip in the hot syrup. Continue beating until the meringue is cool and forms firm peaks.

Then little by little, add the butter. Continue to whip. Only add another piece after the previous one has been completely incorporated.  Then, add the lemon juice and vanilla. Whip until smooth.

We put the buttercream in plastic wrap and put it in the fridge overnight.

I had never heard of a linzertorte before so when Chef first said it aloud, I thought he said Windsor Torte. And, I hate to say it, but my Detroit-born brain thought, “Hmmm. I’ve been to Windsor. This is probably not going to be very good.” And, then my actual thinking brain kicked in and thought, “Oh wait. It’s probably named after the British royal family.” Turns out that I’m an idiot. Linzertorte is named after the city of Linz, Austria, and is the oldest known cake recipe in the world. (Torte is German for cake.)

So, first stop… the mess I made of the fruit tart.

Fruit Tart Formula

Frangipane Formula

So, first make your frangipane by mixing the almond paste and sugar at low speed with a paddle. Once it’s evenly mixed, add the fat and flour and blend until smooth. Then, beat in the eggs bit by bit. Now you have your frangipane.

Put your tart shell in your tart pan. We used dough left over from a previous class. Then, spread the frangipane filling evenly in the tart shell. If you are using poached or canned fruit, you’ll need to drain it. I used frozen blueberries so just added them as they were into the frangipane. I tried to add them in even rows, but I think I added a wee bit too many (as you will see in the results section).

Bake at 375° for about 40 minutes. After it has cooled, brush with apricot glaze. You can make your own apricot glaze by heating apricot jam and a bit of water on the stove, but we used stuff we found in a giant goo bucket in dry storage. (Similar to the raspberry goo used in the next recipe.) The glaze gives the whole tart a nice shiny appearance.

Results

See what I mean? It’s a bit of a mess because of the overabundance of blueberries. Notice the raspberry in the center? I was trying to be artistic. (Yeah, last time that’s going to happen.) Anyway, it might look like a dog’s rear end, but it sure did taste fantastic.

My mess of a blueberry almond tart.

Lizertorte Formula

Linzer Dough Formula

To make the dough, use a paddle attachment and blend the butter, sugar, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg at low speed until smooth. Then, add the almonds and blend in.

Next add the eggs and vanilla. Mix until just absorbed. Add the sifted flour and mix until just blended. Chill for several hours.

Once chilled, roll out the dough and line a tart pan with the dough. Now, Linzertorte is typically round, but you will notice in the picture below that mine is rectangular. This is because we ran out of round tart pans. Also, this dough is extremely fragile and will totally fall apart on you. It’s very frustrating. But, if you kind of smoosh together any breakages, it bakes pretty well.

Spread the jam evenly into the shell. Roll out the remaining dough and cut into strips. Arrange the strips in a lattice pattern. Don’t try to do a traditional lattice weave (like on the apple pie) because the dough is way too fragile. Just make the lattice design by laying the dough strips at an angle. Smoosh the lattice into the border.

Bake at 375° for 35-40 minutes.

Results

Pretty darn good—even though we used the raspberry bucket goo which is filled with crazy amounts of chemicals and tastes a bit like melted fruit roll-up I know you shouldn’t eat tart for breakfast, but this is tasty in the morning.

Rectangular Linzertorte with the raspberry goo.

Additional Notes

• Pâte Sucrée: Sugar dough which is more fragile than pie dough. It consists of confectioner’s sugar, butter, and eggs.
• Fluted edges of the tart tin help dough stick to the edge–making it stronger.

I love pie (in case you couldn’t tell). In fact, one of my favorite quotes comes from a 1902 (and yes, that’s 19 aught 2, whipper snapper) New York Times editorial. The English and Europeans thought Americans ate too much pie (both sweet and savory) and thought we should cut down our pie consumption to a mere two servings a week. He wrote, “Pie is the American synonym for prosperity, and its varying contents the calendar of the changing seasons. Pie is the food of the heroic. No pie-eating people can ever be permanently vanquished.” Let me repeat: No pie-eating people can ever be permanently vanquished. Take that, eaters of cake!

Anyway, we made the pie doughs the night before (one mealy and one flaky) and let them sit in the cooler. Then, we came in and assembled the pies.

Pie Dough Formula

Sift the flour and add shortening. This is probably the grossest thing I’ve done in culinary school (and I had to kill a bunch of crayfish by ripping off their heads). Shortening is just a wee bit disgusting. It really reminded me of Fight Club where he is digging around the dumpster for fat to make into soap.

With your hands, cut the shortening into the flour. For flaky dough, it should be pea-sized lumps and for mealy dough the mixture should look like cornmeal.

Dissolve the salt in the water and add the water to the flour mixture. Mix very gently until it’s just absorbed. Wrap in plastic and refrigerate.

Fresh Apple Pie Filling Formula

Sauté the apples lightly in the first bit of butter until just softened. Add the first quantity of sugar and let them cook. They will start to simmer in their own juices.

Mix the water and starch until smooth. Add this mixture to the apples and boil until the liquid is thick and clear. Remove from the heat and add the rest of the ingredients, stirring gently until the butter is melted. Cool completely.

Fill pie shell and bake at 425° for 30-40 minutes. Cooking time depends on how much juices were cooked off of your apples. The amount of juice cooked off of the apples depends on how thick you cut them and how long you cooked them.

Results

We used the mealy dough for the bottom and the flaky dough for the lattice work at the top. I brought the pie home for Thanksgiving where it was pretty well received.

Lovely uneven lattice work, but with some fun leaves on it!

Pecan Pie Filling Formula

Using the paddle at low speed, blend the sugar, butter, and salt until evenly mixed. With the machine running, add the eggs bit by bit until they are absorbed. Add the syrup and vanilla. Mix until well blended.

Lay your pie dough in the pan. Put the pecans in the bottom of the pie pan and slowly pour the custard mixture over them. Let the custard settle and continue to pour. I put a cinnamon pecan crumble on the top of my pie at this step.

Bake at 425° for 10 minutes. Reduce heat to 350° and bake for 30-40 minutes or until set.

Results

Holy Moses was this a good pie. Very sweet (probably due in large part to the sugar crumble covering it). I’m not usually a fan of the nut pies, but this one made me a covert.

What can I say? It's pecan pie.

Additional Thoughts

• Crust on the pie needs to be solid to hold the filling, but tender so it doesn’t end up hard and crunchy.
• Hydrogenated shortening makes a pie dough flaky (eeeww, I know).
• Replacing the water with milk in a pie dough recipe will give the crust a nice finish, but may make the pie dough too tender.
• The water you add should be ice cold.
• Mealy pie dough has a small amount of fat and is more resistant to moisture so is better used for pie bottoms.
• Flaky pie dough is usually used for the top.
• Freezing pie dough is OK, but keep in mind that it will take on moisture in the freezer.
• Fruit fillings are cooked first. You can use fresh, canned, or frozen fruit as long as you control the amount of juices. (Cooking renders out some of the juices for harder fruits. And, then thicken with corn starch.) If you have loads of liquid, make sure you vent the top to avoid steam build up.
• Pie dough will shrink. (There was shrinkage!)
• Bottom heat is best for baking pies. Be careful of top browning.
• Egg wash is important to seal in juices.

The restaurant itself is that traditional long and narrow Chicago affair. The décor is very light and airy. We went on a Saturday night at 8:30, and it was crowded but not horribly loud. They do have the problem plaguing a lot of restaurants today—the tables are pretty much on top of each other. So, we were able to easily listen to our neighbors’ conversation. Unfortunately, they were quite dull and talked about work the entire time. (They probably thought we were equally dull as our conversation seemed to revolve around Stalin and Russian caviar. Oh yes, Paul and I are true romantics and like to discuss dictators during our evenings out.)

What We Ate

Appetizers: Paul had something completely unremarkable (it must have been unremarkable because I can’t even remember what he ate and I tried some of it). I had the tuna tartar which came with espelette aioli and heart of palm. Espelette is a fancy French chili pepper. So, imagine the small tuna bits in a perfectly formed oval all spicy and yummy. I definitely won this round.

Main Course: But, Paul won the main course round. He had the roasted pork loin with macaroni gratin, swiss chard, bacon, and prunes. I know, I know, you say the word prunes and everyone flips out. Eww that must be icky like old lady food. Well, sorry, prunes are awesome especially when they are baked with bacon and put on top of the loins of an animal. And, the square of macaroni gratin? Oh, I want to gratin my macaroni from here on out. The dish was a little bit of heaven and I should have ordered it. Instead, I went for the roasted duck breast which was served with gold turnips, apple, Brussels sprouts, and lavender honey. Judging by the description, I should have been the clear winner, correct? Well, no. The duck was not crispy or flavored. It was just kind of eh. Pluralizing sprouts is a bit misleading as there was one Brussels sprout taken apart and artistically placed on the plate. Everything sat on top of the lavender honey which I loved, but didn’t realize was there until very near the end. Lavender honey is good. I would perhaps use it in tea.

Dessert: Sleepy, sleepy Paul struck again. He had a cup of coffee (served in a personal French press). I had the chocolate pot de crème (yum!).

What We Drank

For pre-dinner cocktails, I had the black tea infused vodka. Super strong and made with house made lemonade (which I would hope was house made since lemonade is pretty easy to make). Paul had the Campari martini (not served in a martini glass, by the way) which was made from vodka, Campari, orange bitters, and grapefruit juice. I was not a fan.

With dinner, we drank a 2006 Foulaquier Pic St Loup L’orphee Grenache/Syrah. It was red and winy. See? I am not a wine snob. I call it like I see it. Because I am trying to get back on the lush bandwagon, I had a glass of 1994 Roze’s Late Bottled Vinage with dessert. That’s a port, which has a very special place in my anniversary heart. The whole reason I have an anniversary to celebrate is because Paul flew me to Portugal, got me drunk on port, and proposed. (We both admit that it’s a long way to bring someone just to get them sloppy drunk, but it was all very thrilling at the time.) Anyway, my husband was falling asleep at the dinner table and I’m boozing it up. Honestly, isn’t that what anniversaries are all about?

Location: LM is located in Lincoln Square at 4539 N. Lincoln. Street parking is not the best, but it’s not impossible. Also, there’s a parking lot a few doors down (across from the Old Town School of Folk Music.

Right off the bat, I’m going to say I love eating this recipe. It really is amazing. I will probably never ever make it again. It is incredibly sticky, messy, and ridiculously frustrating. But so incredibly good. I recommend you try it just once and then get yourself to a real French bakery and buy a dozen or so.

Pâte à Choux Formula

Combine the liquid, butter, and salt in a saucepan and bring to a rolling boil. Remove pan from heat and add the flour all at once. Stir quickly.

Return pan to moderate heat and stir until the dough forms a ball and pulls away from the side of the pan. Transfer to mixer, and with a paddle mix at low speed until the dough has cooled slightly (warm, but not hot to the touch).

At medium speed, beat in the eggs bit by bit. Add no more than one-fourth of the eggs at a time and make sure they are completely absorbed before adding more. Once the eggs are in, the dough is ready to be put into a pastry bag. It should have the consistency of mashed potatoes.

Using a large, plain tip, pipe out into strips (for éclairs) or round mounds (for cream puffs). Bake at 425° for 10 minutes. Lower heat to 375° and bake until golden brown.

Pastry Cream Formula

In a heavy saucepan, dissolve the sugar in the milk and bring just to a boil.

In a stainless steel bowl beat the egg yolks and whole eggs with a whisk. Sift in the cornstarch and sugar and whip until smooth. Temper the egg mixture by slowly beating in the hot milk in a thin stream. Return the mixture to the heat and bring to a boil, stirring constantly. It will begin to thicken.

Remove from heat and stir in the butter and vanilla extract. Mix until the butter is melted and completely blended in. Pour into a clean pan and cover with plastic wrap so that the film touches the cream (you want to make sure a crust doesn’t form).

Put in the fridge until it is cold. When you are ready to use, whip until smooth. It was at this point in the process that we started adding the booze. I think I added Kahlua, coffee syrup, and a bit of rum. Ooh yeah boozy éclairs. But we are not done yet.

Assembling the Èclairs

Once the pastry is done baking and has cooled completely, make a small hole in the bottom of each of them. Fill a pastry bag with the pastry cream. Using a medium size tip, fill each puff with cream. Make sure you don’t have any air pockets and that you get to the very end of the puff. As our chef told us, there’s nothing quite so disappointing as biting into an éclair and finding only dough with no filling.

As they are filled, set them aside.

Chocolate Ganache Formula

Bring the cream to just a boil, stirring to prevent scorching. Add the chocolate and remove from heat. Stir and let stand for a few minutes. Stir again until the chocolate is melted and completely smooth.

Now, dip the éclairs in the ganache. And, voilà, you have éclairs. Oh, and they freeze well (pre- and post-assembly).

Results

Messy, but good.

The filling after amending with coffee and booze and shoving it in a puff pastry.

They look like little turds sitting there, but they are tasty little turds.

Please note all of the steps taken above to bring you one wee little dessert. Like I said, I love these little guys, but I will probably never make them again. I will also never complain about the cost of a real éclair in a bakery or pastry shop. Of course, I can never again have an éclair at Dunkin’ Donuts, but I think Intro to Baking has ruined a lot of convenience baked goods for me.